i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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