were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
