sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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