some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
