I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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