So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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