New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
