"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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