Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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