Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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