i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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