Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
