PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
