just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize