can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
