I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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