Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
