just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
