I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
