I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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