Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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