I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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