I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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