It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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