the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
