i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
