there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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