Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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