u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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