doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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