after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
