This dress was meant to end up on your floor
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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