Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
