who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
