She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
