1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
