If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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