You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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