dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
