youre lurking in front of me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
