we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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