i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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