Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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