A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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