Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
