I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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