She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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