I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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