Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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