Having a random hookup so left but love u
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
