This is not my ceiling
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
