Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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