Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am one with the molecules
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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