She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
