I CAN MOONWALK!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
