you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
