If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
