Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
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And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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