I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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