So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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