i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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